Week 6

Monday- An early morning phone call informed me that the X-ray machine was acting up and I would be rescheduled for radiation. I didn't mind missing a day. Just that much closer to being done.

Tuesday - It's chemo day which means it's time for my weekly chat with the chemo oncologist. He asked "What's new?" I began rattling off all of my chemo related gripes until I got to "turning up the tinnitus in my left ear"and he said "That's it. No extra chemo for you. Your left ear just saved you." Grateful for the news, I endured my final chemo infusion with a smile on my face. You've probably already seen the photo. But here it is again.

Thursday - Met with the radiation oncologist and learned that I am expected to do a "make up" day for missing my Monday appointment. Damn!! Looks like my last radiation day will be Monday, August 31.

Friday - The weekend chemo fatigue began creeping up on me by late afternoon. Should be a really fun weekend.

Saturday & Sunday - What weekend? I think I slept it all away. Seriously...Sunday morning I got out of bed and moved to the couch. From there I made it to the recliner and then it was time to return to bed for a nap. That was the routine for the rest of the day as well. I didn't even make time to eat or drink for most of the day. It was a total waste. The big news on Saturday was that my neck suddenly decided to peel.

This was a real relief. It was really itching a LOT! Now it feels much better, no matter how strange it looks. By now,as I am writing this, it has completely peeled - at least on my left side.

But next week is the FINAL WEEK!!! (Except for that radiation date on the following Monday.) These last 2 weeks are really dragging. I remember thinking how quickly the first 5 passed and how fast the final 2 should zip by. NFW! The cumulative effects of chemo and radiation are finally really taking their toll. I'm constantly tired and in pain - not bad pain, but I never, ever, feel "good" anymore. It's getting really old and I'm ready to be done with this treatment plan so I can start healing.

Last Chemo Day

That's only 2 of the 4 bags I received every Tuesday. But it's half of the FINAL dose!!

Week 5

I don't know what happened, but suddenly, after my Monday morning radiation session, I crossed that boundary between discomfort and pain. My left tonsil really flared up and HURT! Fortunately, it settled down a bit by Wednesday evening and became much more tolerable. By week's end it was just more of the usual background pain. Nothing that ibuprofen can't control.

Good news on the dietitian front. I maintained my weight throughout the week. Finally discovered a few calorie dense foods that I can eat without much disgust. Can't say I enjoy them, but I can force them down. Barbara cooked a giant flan yesterday and I dug in. It looked and smelled great, and tasted slightly of eggs and caramelized sugar, but was otherwise tasteless for me. I could imagine how good this would have tasted just a few weeks ago and proceeded to shovel down a good sized bowl full. Grateful for the calories. I started making a mental list of all of the foods I'm going to eat first when I can taste again. After watching food shows on PBS and reading cooking magazines I'm afraid the list of "first" foods is too much to realize. I have at least a month's worth of dinners mapped out in my hungry head.

More good news. Talked with the chemo PA on Tuesday. She says that after weighing the pros and cons of a 7th dose of chemo toxins they are unlikely to give me the extra dose. I'm only one round away from being done with cisplatin and a week closer to getting my taste buds back!

Thursday meeting with the radiologist. My time to complain about the constant ringing in my left ear and the fact that my neck skin is beginning to feel like freshly tanned leather.

She assured me that the ear ringing was mainly a chemo induced change and is only temporary. As for the skin texture - it will improve, but will always be slightly scarred and tougher thanks to radiation. So, one side of my neck will have a 4 season tan forever.

Apparently, Monticelli (chemo) knows of what he speaks. He said week 4 or 5 would be when I finally really felt the full impact of the chemo. Friday was a slow day - low energy and lots of naps. Then came Saturday and Sunday. I'll spare you the details, but suffice it to say that I finally got a glimpse of the side effects of chemo. Low, low energy level, nausea (no puking, fortunately) and a smattering of other symptoms. Still got out with the neighbors and dogs but really wish they would put benches on the trail about every 1/4 mile. Had a big case of the don't-give-a-#*%!s especially about food. Will be interesting to see on Monday how much weigh I lost this week

How about a few more photos to end this post?

First - hair loss. Chemo didn't kill my hair; it just "thinned" it. Here's what comes out every time I comb my hair.

Actually, this is down considerably from about 2 weeks ago. And most of this is not chemo loss as much as it is radiation burning hair off the back of my neck.

And finally, want to see why I don't eat much food?

Notice the lesion on the left tonsil where most of the radiation is focused. It looks a lot like that further down my throat. Now, if you haven't lost your appetite, go eat some food for me. And don't forget to use plenty of sriracha sauce, too.

Week 4

A pretty uneventful week all-in-all.  Met with my chemo oncologist on Thursday for some good news and bad news. Good news - He declared that on a scale of 1 - 10 that I am at a 9.5. Bad news - I'm doing so well he may consider giving me a 7th dose of chemo.

The dietitian caught up with me in the infusion room and read me her riot act because she's concerned that I'm losing too much weight. I'm down 10 pounds so far.  Even though I'm constantly hungry, I haven't found many foods that taste good enough to eat. And those high calorie supplements they give me have a nasty soy flavor that I can't stand.

Thursday is radiation doctor meeting day. When I answered the usual question - "How are you feeling?" with "Pretty good, considering." She replied "You wouldn't say that if you could see the back of your throat." Otherwise, she said I was doing great.

Still shedding hair at a pretty good rate. The pony tail is intact, but thinning.

Different weekend this time. Friday was a slow day. Saturday, my usual nap away day, was surprisingly energetic. Sunday we went to the art fair at Sun River and I was in slow mode. Spent most of the afternoon laying in the grass listening to the music. Not a bad way to while away a lazy day, though.

Four weeks down and only 3 more to go!

Week 3

 

Thank god I'm not lactose intolerant. I'm living on a diet of chocolate milk, yogurt and ice cream. Seriously, that's about all I can handle. Everything else either hurts too much or tastes like nothing. Spent some time with the dietitian at the Cancer Center looking for suggestions on how to expand my eating choices. She had lots of info for people with chemo-induced taste changes. Add more spice. Marinate meats in citrus juice & etc. Unfortunately, none of these ideas are appropriate for those of us with throats aggravated by radiation burns. Last night while I ate my yogurt and slurped more chocolate milk, Barbara dined on a Caesar salad. Damn, it smelled great - anchovies, garlic, Parmesan and lemon!!! I reached over, grabbed a piece of romaine, popped it in my mouth and immediately regretted it. Searing pain from lemon juice and raw garlic sent me back to the comfort of my beloved chocolate milk.

As for the constant sore throat that started late in week 2. It hurts just as bad now, but since it's a constant irritant I kind of accept it as part of the "new normal". Meanwhile, my gums are getting really tender and my soft palate is really inflamed. My morning coffee (thankfully, coffee somehow still tastes good) is now imbibed at ambient temperature.

On Tuesday (chemo day) Jill the dietitian brought me a bag full of different nutritional drinks to help fortify and diversify my diet. The fortification idea is good. I need more calories than I'm ingesting. As for diversity - the only thing that tasted good was chocolate. Oh well, yet another source of chocolate milk. The ginger snap ice cream I've been eating is still tasting good. But I have to spit out the pieces of ginger snaps because they are too spicy. Here's a look at what a trip to the grocery store yields now.

The only thing missing is a gallon of chocolate milk. Prune juice is about my only source of dietary fiber. I tried making a smoothie with banana and chocolate milk (of course) last night and was surprised to learn that bananas burn my throat, too.  So much for that idea.

Thursday I started a new radiation schedule. From now on I get zapped at 8:30 am instead of 3:30 pm. Totally different crowd in the waiting area at this time of day. This is apparently a popular time for guys with prostate cancer. They joke around and basically act like guys. All of them have bright futures once they endure getting their crotches zapped for a few weeks. This is very different from the afternoon group with their more serious cancer concerns.

Thursday is also the day for my weekly meeting with my radiation oncologist. Last week she ended our conversation with the following homily. "From now on, how well the treatment goes depends largely on how well you tolerate pain." I'm now 1/3 through with the radiation - 14 treatments down and 28 more to go.  I told her that I was probably in more pain this week than last, but because last week's pain was new and this week's was just the "new normal' that I probably felt better now than then. She let me know that my blood work looks good and I seem to be doing fine. I asked for a better explanation of "fine". She replied "From the way your mouth and throat look, I would expect you to complain a lot more. You'll get through this fine." Here's a photo of my mouth if you're interested.

 

Saturday is the low point of my chemo week.Seems like the poison catches up with me and drains me of energy for a day. This morning Barbara and I took off for an early walk with the dogs to beat the heat. After hiking only about 3/4 mile I was ready to turn back. Barbara and the dogs kept going and I plodded slowly back to the car, resting twice along the way. By the time I reached the car the sky appeared to be shimmering with blue, purple and silver highlights. Juniper trees radiated blue, green and silver sparks. My head was spinning and cold sweat was pouring over me. Then, I remembered a warning from one of my many cancer care workers. Chemo can seriously depress blood pressure and require suspending or altering ingestion of other meds for controlling blood pressure. Sure enough, my BP measured a whopping 80/60 when I got home. After a 2 hour nap it had rebounded to a more reasonable 105/75 and I felt a lot better.

Sunday's dog walk was a lot more fun than yesterday's. I skipped the BP meds and we met Kevin, Jacque, Harley and Olive for a 3+ mile hike in the BLM lands. That's more like it. Jacque brought me some cardamom ice cream hoping it would break the no-taste barrier. I'm not sure I tasted much spice, but the cardamom aroma was so strong it added up to a really pleasant experience. Add this one the the must-eat-more list.

Cancer Quotes

Every once in a while I hear a memorable quote from friends or folks I meet at the cancer center.
Here are 2 of my recent favorites.

"Cancer isn't a death sentence. It's just a word - a word that scares the shit out of most people. But not me. For me it's a fighting word."

"If you live long enough you eventually have to deal with something like this. Some folks aren't lucky enough to live this long. You obviously are. Consider yourself lucky."