Monday - Still stuck in the chemo fatigue. Felt a bit better, but I can't get over how weak I am. Glad I only got the low dose of cisplatin and equally glad I never got a 7th dose.
Tuesday - Felt much better than previous 3 days. After radiation I walked upstairs to get my PICC dressing changed. So strange to be up there without having to sit in the big chair with an IV bag hanging next to me. After the dressing change the nurse measures my blood pressure and finds it surprisingly low (85/55). "Care to stay in the chair and take a bag of saline?" she asks. Well... at lest it isn't cisplatin. One liter later I'm up to an acceptable 100/65 and can go home again.
Thursday- I've had it!! I unloaded on the radiation oncologist this afternoon. I've had enough of this crap!! Haven't necessarily felt bad forever, but I haven't felt good in over a month and a half. I'm tired of the pain; tired of not being able to taste food; tired of being tired!! She just chuckled and said "You've been the poster boy for good attitude this whole time and now you're losing it right at the end." Good thing we're leaving for a Waldport beach weekend.
Friday - Next to the last radiation date! I have a much improved attitude compared to yesterday which helps a bunch. We loaded up the truck with cool weather clothes and 3 dogs (Lexee, too) and headed to the coast for a long overdue change of scenery.
Saturday - Should have saved my Thursday rant for today. Radiation damage to tissue is cumulative, but it also seems to have a quantum aspect. It doesn't add up day by day; it's more like weekly jumps. The first 10 days were painless. Then the next morning suddenly I'm aware of a tenderness in throat and tongue. Another week or 2 later it becomes even more uncomfortable. I mentioned at the start of week 5 that I had crossed over from discomfort to pain. This morning I graduated from 'Damn that's painful" to "F#*%, THAT REALLY HURTS!!!" Seriously, I don't want to talk and don't even think about swallowing. By this time I'm 100% tube feeding even to the point of injecting water to stay hydrated. It's easier to spit out saliva than try to swallow. I doubled my daily intake of ibuprofen and powered through. Of course, the pain killing "magic mouthwash"is in the fridge back in Powell Butte as is the "just in case" prescription for opiates. So much for enjoying the beach. Managed a short walk in the sand late in the afternoon. Other than that, I just curled up on the couch watching Food Network dreaming of when I might be able to eat again - or at least swallow.
Sunday - Pretty much a replay of Saturday. Except for one walk on the beach I was one with the couch and Food Network and refusing to talk or swallow. Really dreading the thought of yet another radiation session on Monday. Can it possibly be as bad as the Friday experience? God, I hope not.
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